Trail-head

Imagine a deciduous forest after a fresh summer rain... Imagine the rich smell of wet dirt; picture the hues of green and brown and black and gray from the foliage and its trunks. Imagine the soft chirping of birds, the frenzied scurrying of small animals, and the soft whisper of the wind in the trees. Imagine a path cut through those woods, and at the start of that path lies a stone marker.

This trail-head is where I stand.
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So much has been going on... it's a wonder that I continue to function at a semi-normal rate. Issues with my family have taken a toll, though I still wish to set things straight, regardless of the fact that my own mother has written me out of her life. I have learned to forgive those who have wronged me, as that is what God would want me to do. My unconditional love for my parents and my brother continues through the battles that have been waged and continue to be fought. I cannot help but feel sorry for them, especially if they lose everything for a second time.

Things here at the apartment have been fun. My day-to-day life is interesting; I cook, clean, and manage different things most of the day, and then rest at night. "Resting" constitutes laughing hysterically at the guys' shenanigans, spending quality time with Mike, and/or whatever I feel like doing. Though I feel like your typical housewife, I do not mind my days. Cleaning the apartment gives me something to do, and when it's all clean, I feel proud of myself. Cooking is fun, and it gives me valuable experience (I do NOT want another Puke-Eggs incident [I attempted to make an omelet but it failed miserably upon flip, and the resulting scrambled eggs had more of a pasty consistency-- ew.]) to build my skills upon. As far as managing different things is concerned, Life throws many obstacles at you; you either juggle them or drop them, the choice is your own to make.

Money is a slight issue at the moment. As I am still unemployed (which I take full responsibility for, I'll sadly admit), I have no means of income, which is to say that I have been living off of a small scholarship and graduation money for the last few months.

On a side note, Mike is.... something.... He put the WET AIR FILTER back IN the AC and now we have ICE ON OUR AC!!! *lmfao*

Now... back to my money issue.... I need to get a job. Especially if I'm moving to RI in August, should God will that to happen. It upsets me that I've proved my mom right in some sense- though I have looked for jobs, I kinda half-assed it and sat on mine. I won't make THAT mistake again... I promise you that much.

I have learned a lot recently. Friends are nice to have, but they won't always be the friends you thought they were. True Friends, however, will always be there, just like family. Family consists of those of blood and those who should be blood, but are so much more than mere friends. Family does not see eye to eye on matters, but Family is really all you have when push comes to shove; well, Family and God, but God will always be there even on the Darkest Hour of the Darkest Day, as long as you have Faith in Him and His way. This too, I have learned... and am all the better for it.

Living independently has taught me so much over the past month and a half. Though it seems longer, I can recall the events leading up to my Independence like they were yesterday. But being on my own has taught me responsibility unlike any lesson I had when I was still with my parents. I have accepted the fact that any and all decisions I make are my own, and that I must live with whatever consequences ensue from those decisions. I have grown up more since May 19 than I could ever imagine, and I personally think that it shows. I know that my family (those that still communicate with me, and I them) have noticed it. While I still have 'childish' moments, meaning that I goof around or whatever, not that I throw fits (because that's just bratty, which I am not) I know the appropriate time and place to act without care and the appropriate time and place to be mature and act my age instead of my shoe size. I have come to learn, however, that immature people really piss me off more often than not. That, however, is a different story entirely, and I do not wish to continue on that note at this point in time.

Since June 9, I have been to Delaware with some friends of mine (the trip itself wasn't all that great; it had some fun times and a lot of rough times), and I have been getting more involved in Dungeons & Dragons at Ret's. My Elven Ranger (currently Level 6, which reminds me, I need to level up, lol) Ryyder is proving to be a worthy combatant in-game. I am really enjoying the roleplays that Stephen has initiated, and the last session was my most active yet. I only have a few more weeks left, though.... but this Wednesday's game should be fun.

The Fourth of July was yesterday. Mike and I went to The Cove with Stephen and Jake and Eliza and Bobbie and some of Stephen's friends from work and some of their friends. We went swimming and tubing (we swam the tube out FAAARRR to some boats; Mike convinced a family to allow us to use their boat so that they could take us tubing on the Lake) and had so much fun! Mike and I both fell off (though at different times on different turns), but we both had a blast. It was his first time- it was my first time that I had ever fallen off, heheheheh. My fall was epic; I hit the wake, went airborne from laying on my stomach, flipped in midair, and dived into the water (all in less than 2 seconds, mind you), and came up laughing and floated around until the boat came back to get me. It was awesome. Later, Mike had to go to work, so I drove ALLLLLLL the way back to Short Pump, chilled at the apartment for a bit, talked to my relatives (Uncle, Grandmother, Mawmaw) and then picked Mike up, and hauled ass back to Bumpass. While we didn't find Stephen and the others, we managed to see some fireworks from a bridge. Mike was disappointed because we were 'lost' in the fact that we couldn't find where the others were, and that we were missing fireworks trying to find them, and then that he missed the finale when he went to grab his camera. I got upset because I wanted him to have a good time, and he was so upset that his sadness and slight anger saddened me greatly to the point that I wanted to cry, but he knew that I wasn't really ok and hugged me and wouldn't let me go until I had to pry him off so I could move my car so others could get out; but apparently they could get out anyway regardless of where my car was parked, and so I wasted time for nothing... but it gave both Mike and I time to cool off so I guess it was worth it. We watched some more fireworks that other people had set off and then headed back to the Cove. Jake and Bobbie were there... we cooked food and then waited for the others to get back. They had Roman Candle fights (which were freaking epic! They looked like they were dueling from Harry Potter!) One time, Bobbie was sitting on the trunk of a car, and one of the guy's Roman Candle misfired and went in her direction and she slid off the trunk screaming just as the Candle whizzed past her head. It was scary, because I was close by, but it was kind of funny, too.... I am glad that no one got hurt, though. We talked and ate some more and then Mike and I went to bed in a tent... didn't sleep that well, but who does when you're sleeping practically on the cold, hard ground with tree roots under you?? No one, that's who. But I had fun; it was Mike's first camping experience, he had never camped prior to that! I was so glad that I could share that with him; we have had a lot of Firsts together, him and I... but I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. We awoke to rain, and Elder telling us that he needed his tent back because he had to leave, and so we packed, cleaned the Cove a bit, and left at 8:30 this morning. Stopped by Advance Auto in Louisa so I could get oil for my car (ah... my car... the poor thing. I need to name him because he has a personality similar to Herbie [minus the cute, nice part], but alas, I cannot name him Herbie because he is not a Bug... and he screams and complains when I push him too hard, and mumbles and shakes when he's not happy, and randomly honks his horn or won't shut the panic button off if I accidentally press it. He hides from me in parking lots [Walmart in particular], causes me to hurt myself by closing the doors on me or those around me [Mike got his hand 'bit' last night], and plays games with my locks. He also semi-refuses to open his trunk or his hood for me, and likes to burn me on more than one occasion. Today, he hid the funnel for my oil, and then ate the whole bottle of 5W-20 Valvoline Oil that I had just bought not even 2 minutes prior to adding it to the car. And he doesn't really like my converter tape... but, he does like music because my bass is awesome ^^ ), and then we got on I64 and made it home just as 10am came rolling around. Mike and I took our showers, and then headed to church. We left late but were actually early today for whatever reason... We had The Last Supper today... and then we came home and took a nap, a nice, loooonng nap. And watched Comedy Central. We went to Wendy's and then I dropped Mike off after we got back and then I got a nice dessert.

Tomorrow we go and visit my Grandmother in Fredericksburg. Which reminds me, I need to call my Uncle to see if he's gonna be around tomorrow afternoon... I shall call him now.... Well, he'll be around, but he's not sure if we're going to come visit him or if he'll visit us, heheh. He's gonna call me tomorrow and let me know for sure. But yeah, Mike and I are leaving around 2:30 or so and just visiting. We might go to Best Buy because Grandmother wants me to get a GPS, which will definitely come in handy here really soon. Granted, my poor car needs to last, so hopefully he will be able to put up with me for a bit longer....*shakes head* I'll think of a name for him yet, I tell you.

Wednesday morning Mike and I are packing for Rhode Island- Wednesday night is D&D and then we leave Thursday for the Airport. We'll have a layover in Philly and then be on our way again and landing in Providence around 3pm or so. I'm anxious, nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. I am looking forward to the trip though- it not only means a lot to me, but it means a lot to Mike as well. The fact that he's bringing me home to meet his family says a lot... I cannot express the feeling of happiness that it imbues. We are visiting my family up there, too.. Aunt Marta and Uncle Eddie are having us over on Saturday afternoon for a barbecue, and then we are visiting Aunt Florence and Uncle Charlie briefly before heading back to Mike's. Both Mike and I are looking forward to spending time with my relatives up there, so it should be fun. I know that I will be sweating bullets in the moments prior to meeting Anna, Mike's mom, and then the initial meeting will be something else entirely, but I know things should go well. Mike keeps telling me not to worry, and that she'll love me, but a part of me is still scared beyond belief. I guess it's because I only get one chance to make a first impression, and though I am always going to be myself, I am worried that myself is not enough, if that even makes any sort of sense. I want her to like me so much, and it's not that I doubt that she will, but I am not sure if she will like me enough. The reality that she may very well be my mother-in-law someday if she does in fact like me enough adds a lot to the situation, and that is the only real reason as to why I am stressing over this so much. I know it irks Mike to no end that I am so stressed over meeting his mother, but I can't help it. As much as I hate to admit it, my future lies in her hands, God willing. If she likes me enough to bless Mike and I, then I will be moving up there providing I find a place to stay until I can get my own cheap apartment. If she likes me, but not enough to be a potential daughter-in-law, then I go home knowing that Mike and I are breaking up come August, and that our relationship will have roughly three weeks left upon returning to Virginia, and that I will be moving in with either Grandmother or Netnet come August. Of course, if she likes me enough and I don't have a place to stay, Mike and I are going to break up anyway, because neither one of us can handle long distance and so it will be that much harder of a breakup because the only thing that would be preventing us from getting engaged would be the fact that I had nowhere to live up there. And he wonders why I'm so stressed... pft. Of course, God will lead me where He wants me to be; I am the sheep and He is the shepherd, after all. All I can do is pray and hope for the best.

Well, I feel as though I've typed enough to have wrote a whole book... probably did. I feel sorry for Mike having to read so much... heheheh. Oh well... I always have had a lot on my mind and even more to say, so it should be no surprise =P