It's almost five o'clock as I am sitting here, in the dark, on the floor, in front of my futon- watching my lovely roommates lounge around: Mike and Stephen were playing Rainbow Six Vegas 2, Jake was on the couch, and I was reading my book. Jake and I got into a bottle fight with like, six empty bottles that were just randomly laying around the apartment (after we had already gotten into a BB fight- again)... Now it's quarter to eight and Stephen's at work... Jake, Mike, and I went to Walmart, Jake made dinner (which was really yummy), and the three of us watched Tropic Thunder. I had never seen it before, but I thought it was pretty funny. Mike and Jake are playing Halo 3 now- I've never played that particular game, though I have played Halo before on the computer. I wasn't beast at it, but I wasn't a n00b either- I did kick some ass =P
I am going over to Mom and Dad's tomorrow and staying the night there. It'll be interesting, but I have a good feeling about it. Besides, I am getting the car and my cell phone back, so I'm happy. And I'll get to visit with my family... from the vibes I've been getting from the emails and the latest phone call things sound fairly peaceful. Worse case scenario, I just call Eliza and have her take me over to her house or back to Short Pump- but that's only if things get bad, which I don't think will happen; it's just nice to have a back up plan in the event that I'm wrong.
I spent the night with Mike last night for the first time in what seemed like a very long time... Thursday night I was at Eliza's, Friday night we stayed at Eliza's, Saturday I did sleep with him though, but Sunday night I slept on the futon. I enjoy spending the night with him in his room, he makes me feel secure. I hate making him feel bad though when we don't sleep together; I don't want to come across as clingy or whatever, and now I'm ranting and going off on wild tangents. Wow. Ok. So. Back to my train of thought... I understand completely that he needs his space sometimes, we all do, so it's really not a big deal if I have to sleep alone on the futon in the living room.
Last night, the two of us looked through pictures together. Heh, I had asked him about his home in Rhode Island... he showed me pics of his family, pets, and the state. It was nice, spending time like that... though we know each other really well, we still have a lot to learn and discover; it's what makes a relationship fun, though... you never stop learning about each other... We had an interesting experience though. While we were talking, he had mentioned something about August and how it's easier for him to not talk to girls he'd been involved with for a few months post break up. I can't do that... I couldn't do that. Granted, Andrew and I went almost a year not talking, but I didn't love Andrew... I love Mike. And I know I'm pouring my heart out right now, and I know Mike's going to read this later tonight, and what I'm about to say should probably be put in my private journal instead, but I just am going to be defiant and type it anyway. I don't want to dwell on August. I don't want to think about it at all. It's always there, in the back of my mind, like a bad stomach ache that won't go away. I try not to think about it, because I don't know how it will end; I know how I'd like it to end, but the reality is that it won't... I can't be selfish. I can't go with him, and he can't stay here. It'd be too much for me to ask him to stay; who am I to keep him from his family and school when he has been making plans for months prior to meeting me and prior to our relationship? The answer is simple: I'm a nobody, plain and simple. *sigh* We had another emotional encounter this morning, which resulted in him cuddling me and holding me as I cried and he comforted me while I relived my past mistakes. I don't know why I can be so trusting with him, so open, so revealing... I can only attribute it to my emotions and the hold he has on my heart. As he said last night, he's stolen my soul <3 The thing is, I don't want it back. I want him to have it, and so I'm not going to fight for it come August. Come what may, what happens happens, and that's that.
Something weird has been happening though... the last few times I've slept with Mike, I've been talking in my sleep-- that NEVER happens. Well, unless you get my mom, my brother, my grandmother, and myself all within earshot of each other- the four of us will carry on convos in our sleep...
I've also been having random dreams... nothing that I can really remember, just random tidbits here and there, but they're all different and all of them intrigue me.
Well, I am going to get off of here now. I have an hour before I can call my parents and grandmother without costing Mike minutes. He's so good to me <3
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