A Quarter-Year

I have spent exactly a quarter of 2009 with Michael. Our three-month was yesterday... a long, amazing three months. A quarter of a year. It took me a while to realize that fact... Mike apparently had figured that out ::way:: before I did... Math Whiz. Anyways, things have been pretty interesting of late. Stress has taken a severe toll, but it is something that I have come accustomed to feeling as time goes on. Between trying to pay bills, get school in order, and maintain a serious relationship, I have family matters to worry about, my weight loss issue, and physical health issues induced by stress plaguing me. Not very fun or easy to deal with, let me tell you; throw PMS into that and you have a recipe for Chernobyl.

Had a job interview the other day... thought it went well... I find out later this upcoming week if I got the position or not. Then I have until Saturday to come up with $100 to open a bank account and deposit the money so I can pay Verizon $70 so they don't cut my phone off. And then, on the 29th, my $130 Allstate bill is due... and September 2, the rest of my Verizon bill is due, and that's $100... then factor in school testing ($40) and supplies.... gas ($40 to fill up my tank)... and personal things.. I just can't afford anything. I'm scared I won't start school this year because I am not sure if I can get enough money... I haven't told Mike (or anyone else for that matter) that I feel as though I won't make it, but I have a strong feeling that I won't be able to come up with enough to pay my tuition in full... even with loans.

I don't regret coming up here, I really don't. I don't regret anything these past three months. I am only slightly homesick... I miss the country like crazy, and the mountains...especially the mountains.......... but I am adjusting well up North and like it up here. Besides, I wouldn't leave Mike for anything- he completes me. I know we both have come to the conclusion that we would go crazy without the other one. I was actually thinking today about his recent blogs and texts from earlier, and thought of us taking a break--BUT I came to the conclusions that I wouldn't be able to 1) ask that of him, 2) take a break from him, 3) not talk to him or communicate with him, 4) not be able to see him, and 5) that I would drive myself crazy because he wasn't a part of my life anymore... and after realizing those key facts, I calmed down, stopped crying, and called my best friend and talked to Eliza for almost an hour. Afterwards, I felt better; Mike apologized and I went to see him on his break...

Long-windedness is something I know I need to work on, but I just cannot help the fact that writing helps me. I love expressing myself on screen or on paper- it's just how I am.

Going to bed now... it's almost 1:30am and I'm exhausted...
<3